College Dilemma

 Every day I woke up more confused and the pressure to figure it out was increasing with time. I thought until I complete my grade 12 board examination I will know what it is but the day had also arrived, and I was more confused than ever. I couldn’t figure out what to take in the university and there wasn’t clarity in my life.

And then I thought of going on an adventure within me, I started self-reflection asking questions before sleeping hoping I will get my answer through a dream. Nothing was working, but I hadn’t stopped adventurous journeys within and I came across a philosophy called “Seeking Discomfort”, and then I promised myself to do something every day that is against my comfort zone and said “Yes” to all opportunities that I heard of. I got a lot of exposure in that period, from organizing events to giving counseling to taking part in seminars and feasts, I got more experience in that short period of time than ever before. Yet, I haven't been applying for any colleges.
It was tough, not because I couldn’t figure out despite the hustle but it’s due to the pressure that I felt. Pressure from my relatives, questions in the neighborhood, friends joining universities, and most frustrating was to see my father being pissed off with me. I have got everything from my father, and I can’t imagine him feeling the worst due to me. I wasn’t obeying what he was saying, I wasn’t clarifying what I will do and that created a lot of anxiety within him, and to see the person whom you love most being sad is the toughest experience. But what could I do?
I couldn’t join a university without any vision and certainty of a passionate future. I didn’t want to choose a default path which everyone will admire initially but is not something for me, how could I even choose a path that will make me unhappy the majority of my life as a job would be a major part of our future spending almost of our time. I had to be strong emotionally control myself and calmly continue my journey and I motivated myself by understanding that my father will be happier after a certain time if I will follow the right career which might not be an interest of his but will love as I will be happy, and he basically wants me to be happy and fulfilled.
And the hope started coming I could see a path that wasn’t crystal clear but could be visible. Well, that wasn’t the wholesome path but it was the initial one. That path would lead me to something bigger than I always had and yes it was step 1 of my life. Step 2, 3, and 4 e.t.c. weren’t seen but what was seen as step 1 and I joined the staircase of my life.
Maybe you also have clarity issues maybe you are struggling to go against other people's recommended path. What I will say is go for it; take a trip within yourself and remember your parents will love you anyway and if you want to make them the happiest then follow what is right for you, trust me they can’t be happy seeing you being exhausted in life and future job, and they will be above the moon right after they realize something is right for you and they will be more than happy if you can prove them wrong.